This is a reprint of an article I wrote in another blog I created called Radical Changemakers  (

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I started out the new year in 2010 vowing to live in a place where everyone gets to be right. I decided to stop stepping way up  onto my high horse of a soap box and vilifying those whose opinions vastly differ from mine just because my judgment is that their position is not life supportive. Hey, they think they’re right as much as I think I am right.


How do we find the win/win where everyone walks away with what they want?

This morning I had a conversation with my friend Justin and we realized that we share this goal. So I asked him how he is doing with his and he said “It’s on my radar….” and I said “I am not doing too well with it either.”

It got me thinking. If we aren’t doing well and Justin and I are being conscious and intentional in this and we are failing wildly, is it any wonder things are so messed up?

There was an article in our morning paper today quoting the Dalai Lama’s talk in Toronto yesterday. In his global plea for world peace, he said, “At age 75, what I have learned is the power of talk. In the spirit of dialogue, you can’t have one side that is defeated and one side wins. Open your heart and consider others.”

No one is beyond talking to, he added. Following 9/11 he urged dialogue with Osama Bin Laden urging leaders to understand “what really is his complaint”.

Now THAT is truly radical thinking.

Imagine, instead of vilifying those whose positions seem to be polar opposites of ours,  that we open dialogue to truly try to understand what is their complaint…. to listen without judging or making them wrong, no matter how different their position is from ours…to listen to the request under the complaint and not get triggered because the request sparks judgment in us.

Trusting in the best of humanity, I know that every human being craves harmony and peace, to be seen for who we really are, to feel understood and above all, loved for who we really are at our core.

This would be truly radical. I speak as much to myself as I do to you. It is my stretch also, but I know that without setting the intention and making it conscious and intentional, we will never find world peace. We will never be at peace with ourselves because underneath the judgment of others, lies deep within the judgment of ourselves and for the most part, we find ourselves lacking.

I choose to surround myself with love. I choose to find a way to find others right. I choose to step off my soap box and listen to the request under the complaint, especially when I want to judge. I choose to open my heart and considering others.

What do you choose?

Written By Annie Gelfand
© Copyright 2010 Tammy Anne Gelfand.
All Rights Reserved.

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