Have you ever allowed yourself to steal precious moments of your life away?
I did. Today. And it wasn’t my first time.
My husband Rob and I are lightening things up a bit in our house so we are selling some items through a local Facebook auction site. I was meeting someone who had bought one of my books. We set up a time and me being me, well I am a very prompt person. I have a deep respect for people’s time so if I know I will be late, I let the person waiting for me know with as much notice as possible. I ask them to do the same for me. It’s respectful and honouring in my point of view.
So we wait. And wait. Some cars drive into the parking lot where we are and since I have no idea what kind of car she’s driving I get out and walk towards each one every time a car drives in thinking it must be her. We are in the parking lot of a school and it’s Sunday. Not a lot of cars drive into a school parking lot, one would think. But no, after three or four cars come and go, none of which were our buyer, I look at my phone. We have been waiting 30 minutes for her and since we are big on not running our cars to needlessly pollute, we are also cold.
I am getting madder by the second. And starting to rant.
I text her “if you aren’t here in the next five minutes we are leaving”. She writes back “srry” (not sure how much more energy that little “o” would take) and we wait the five extra minutes, making it a total of 40 minutes waiting for her.
She finally shows up, a sheepish expression on her face and a lame excuse of something about the weather (really? It’s chilly out with a light sprinkle of rain). I practically spat at her as I handed the book over, “I asked you to let me know if you would be delayed” I managed to hiss through clenched teeth. And then she shoves change into my hand and drives off.
I was spitting mad. I wanted to throat punch her black and blue.
I swear it was at least 15 minutes of me ranting at Rob before I let it go. I have a very patient and kind husband.
That whole stupidity was almost an hour of my precious life stolen away being angry for such a silly thing.
Who on earth did that belong to? And I would choose that for what reason? I did tons of clearings for everywhere I have been and done that, for everywhere I biomimetically mimicked my mom, who regularly got mad at everyone (especially me) and cleared all my projections, expectations, judgments etc. In other words, I pulled out every single tool I had from my bulging Access tool kit and used them.
And then I became me again. My body relaxed. I could breathe.
It has taken me most of my life to figure out that when I got angry like that that it wasn’t even mine!!! What used to take me days to get over took me an hour and still that’s too much of my precious life stolen.
This is NOT about being perfect or not having a reaction.
It IS about choosing how to spend my life in every moment. I can choose to be at the effect of another’s behaviour, which has nothing to do with me, OR I can choose to say to myself “interesting point of view” and move on. I chose to cherish my precious moments of life and move on.
It really does come down to a choice after all. You choose what works for you.
What energy, space and consciousness can I be to increase my allowance to catch up with my awareness and expand to be the space I truly be for all eternity?
I wonder. How many of your precious moments of your life have you allowed to be stolen?
Even one is too many.
I was going to walk over to meet her but at the last minute, Rob asked me if I would like him to drive me. I said yes, thankfully, as that turned out to be an excellent idea.
So there we were, waiting in the cold, on time. No sign of my buyer. I check my messages. Nothing. Finally after waiting for ten minutes or so, I text her, “are you close by?”, I write. “I just had to stop at the bank to get money. I will be right there. I am five minutes away.” She responds immediately.