I am so aware of the guarding and the protecting that I still do that blocks me from me. My body tenses up and even although this is a stress for my body, my body is so accustomed to this, that it has become an automatic default now.
When I go out anywhere my body hurts with the intensity of everyone’s judgments against themselves and even though I know this, my body stays tense and protective. This is how I have spent most of my life.
The thing about protecting is that it cuts me off from me. It cuts me off from receiving everything possible. Every now and then I allow my body to relax and when I do, the ease, peace and joy that is available is magic. I would like to have more of that. I am choosing more of that.
I wonder what energy, space and consciousness can my body and I be to be that space of total ease? To totally drop barriers and be vulnerable me? No masks. No guarding. No protecting. Just me.
I wonder what this planet would be like if we all would allow our bodies to be at ease and stop protecting?
One thing I am coming to know that if an awareness comes to me with an intensity and lightness, it usually is that others are dealing with something similar.
We have all been taught to be so guarded, to never look weak, to never admit that anything is less than perfect. But what if less than perfect is not only NOT wrong, but actually very, very right? What if the perfect that this reality will have you believe as an icon to achieve, is actually an impossible utopian ideal that never existed? The perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the perfect family? How many utopian ideals have we been programmed to believe we are to strive for?
I have been at this for about 30 years and godzillions of lifetimes, and I still watch as the foundations of what I called true, the pieces I called “me”, crumble around me. Every time they crumble, I get free. My target now is to be raw, real and vulnerable, no barriers, no guard, no protection. Just me. Will you join me?
When I was 7 years old a teacher told my parents (while I was standing there) that I was too quiet and too shy. From that day forward I vowed never again to be quiet and shy.
When I was eight, my uncle told me I was too serious and that I should lighten up.
My mom wanted to break me of this shyness and she used to make me go around the room and kiss everyone when she had guests.
Children who spoke up were given better grades and received favor with teachers. My mom constantly compared me to my outgoing, outspoken and more popular cousin and told me to be more like her.
How many messages did you get when you were growing up that you needed to change to fit in, that you weren’t good enough? How much of that still haunts you?
Sometimes it feels as if I am ripping shackles off my ankles and arms and armour off the rest of my body in order to reveal me hidden beneath it all.
Most people who meet me could never guess that I am an introvert. Today I am still gently peeling back the layers of lies so I can find the gentleness and quietness of me. When we allow ourselves to be in the full glory of who we truly be, introverts are observers and intuitive. We make others uncomfortable because we have the ability to see beyond the masks that others show.
I love and miss that quiet little girl who saw everything but forced herself to be something else in order to fit in with everyone else’s expectations of her. It is not a kindness to force anyone to be anything other than them.
Parents if you truly love your children please don’t make them live out your fantasies. Those are your dreams not theirs. The most generous thing you can do for any child is nurture who they are, watch for where they get excited and allow them the freedom to explore that. If they want to try twenty different jobs let them!! The idea that one must decide their career at eighteen and commit to one career for the rest of your life is insanity and a prison sentence for some.
If you are the parent or guardian or teacher of an introvert, this is a plea to nurture your little charges like tender little sprouts raising their faces to the sun.
Let them explore. Let them make mistakes even if they fail miserably! Let them have the adventure that should be life.
Please do not assume there is anything wrong with them but there is something amazingly magic and right with them.
Introverts have gifts beyond the obvious and I am making a sweet soft and gentle demand on myself to let more and more of that little amazing magical child out in the world.